Terrible aim and worse sorcerery
by DrusillaSnaps
Summary: Merlin and Arthur are very drunk. They are trying to have sex. At least, thats the idea... things however, aren't going to well! Please R & R


Terrible aim and worse sorcery. I got the idea for this when my friends dog tried to hump my bitch. He kept missing.... over and over again. My poor dog ended up walking away. (Then she waited until he was asleep, and humped his head!)

**

Merlin couldn't remember the last time he had been so drunk. In fact, he didn't think he had ever been so drunk. He had only ever touched drink since he had come to Camelot. And his time in Camelot hadn't left him with much time for himself. What little spare time he had he used to study magic... or to sleep with Arthur.

Arthur on the over hand, had never been drunk. Yes me may well have had plenty of wine and mead at royal events, but he was kept so busy at such things that his glass never emptied. In reality it was probably a good thing. Arthur hadn't felt less in control of his body than he did now.

Merlin had no idea what he was doing, no idea where he was. All he was aware of was Arthur. He completely focused on Arthur. His every movement, his every word. Everything else was just a blur. Arthur was lying down... Merlin was sure of that. But was he? He couldn't tell. Up or down, it didn't matter. The room still spun. Arthur was giggling. As shocked as Merlin was, he knew it was Arthur making the sound. It was a sound that he often made when he and Merlin were alone together. Mostly because Merlin had an annoying habit that involved tickling Arthur until he submitted. Arthur was very ticklish.

As crown prince of Camelot, Arthur knew he had to be more mature about such things. At this particular moment however, he didn't care. He was extremely drunk, extremely horny, and for some reason he found this extremely funny. Maybe it was the way Merlin performed random spells when he was drunk. One of which had stripped both men of their clothes. Another of which had Merlin bound by his hands to the bed frame.

Merlin was suddenly sober (ish) the second he felt the prince's lips on his own. He was horny as hell. The increased testosterone levels cleared the drunken haze and made way for a fog of lust.

Arthur felt increasingly sober the longer he locked his lips on Merlin's. Finally he felt like he had enough control to put his plan into action. Arthur was thankful that they were naked. He didn't think he was sober enough to tackle the removal of clothes.

"I want you... inside... but not like... inside... cause we are... but like.... inside... of me..." Merlin mumbled in-between kisses.

"I wanna be inside too... of you... not... cause we are..." Arthur muttered in reply. He propped himself up on his hands, and positioned himself at Merlin's entrance. Merlin groaned. Spurred on, Arthur thrust forward with everything he had.

"Ow... Arthur... what... what are you... doing?" Merlin cried out. "You missed! You just... grinded... against my ass... and not... in... like... at all..." He continued, sounding thoroughly disorientated by the whole thing.

"Oh... right... sorry Merlin," Arthur muttered, embarrassed. "I'll try again...." Again he missed. "Sorry... I... I don't know... too drunk... I think..." Arthur slurred. Merlin giggled.

"You prat... use your... hands... you... prat..." he groaned out. Arthur, who was supporting himself by his hands, moved one down to his groin to position himself. However, before he could, he collapsed on top of Merlin.

"Sorry..." Arthur cried as he span off Merlin as quickly as possible... right onto the floor. Merlin laughed. "Help... I can't... my legs won't... help..." Arthur groaned.

"I'm... tied... with the wrists... and... no key..." Merlin replied. Arthur groaned again, and used all his upper body strength to pull himself back onto the bed.

"Hi," he giggled as he lay on top of Merlin once again.

"Need you..." Merlin replied. "Don't miss... prat..." he continued as, once again, Arthur positioned himself at his entrance. Once again however, Arthur missed. "Prat... you... terrible aim... good job... you don't... need it... wait... yes... you do... prat..."

"You said that... idiot..." Arthur mumbled in reply. He really didn't want to try, and fail again. For a few seconds there was silence, but then an idea came to Arthur. "Magic!"

"What?" Merlin replied sleepily.

"Use magic.... guide me in..." Arthur said, his voice alight with the smile that played on his lips.

"Oh! Cleaver... prat..." Merlin said as he laughed. Arthur positioned himself once again as Merlin struggled to surface the memory of a spell that might help. "_Katranama Hiyawin_" he whispered. Arthur felt a strange sensation around his penis and knew that Merlin's spell had worked. He thrust forward... only again, he meet resistance.

"What..? Merlin... what...?" he groaned, frustrated. He collapsed on the bed next to Merlin, and changed a look down. His private parts were completely... bald. "Merlin! Idiot... manservant... my pubic hair... gone!" Merlin too, looked down, and burst out laughing at the sight. "Not... funny!" Arthur growled, yet he laughed. "One more... try?" he asked. Merlin nodded, and Arthur positioned himself atop of Merlin again.

"The spell... was similar... I think... maybe it... might... be... _Katnarhama Hinyawan_" Merlin muttered. His eyes flashed gold, and Arthur became completely lost in them. However, he was snapped back to reality, when he realized that he was tied to the bed as well. His arms were spread out either side of him, and were bound together by a rope than ran under the bed. "Oh... dear..." Merlin said.

"Untie... me... us... maybe just.... me.... like you more.... like that..." Arthur groaned. He did not want to be found like this in the morning. Merlin sighed and muttered something sleepily. Arthur wasn't sure what it had done, for they were both still bound. He didn't have a chance to ask Merlin, for his lover had fallen asleep. "Shit!" Arthur cried.

Merlin and Arthur awoke the next morning as dawn approached, still bond to the bed. Neither could remember the previous nights events, and, after Merlin freed them both, the hastily got about their daily business. Neither ever worked out what had happened that night. The only clues that they had, were the complete baldness of Arthurs privates, and the hickey that had appeared on Merlin's next, that never healed and had to be removed by magic, the result of Merlin's unknown mumbled words before he had fallen asleep that night.


End file.
